Is it a Relationship Challenge or is it Family Violence?

Every relationship has challenges. There is no such thing as a perfect partnership without differences of opinion or occasional arguments.

In a healthy relationship, even when things get heated, both people hold onto respect and care for one another. You see trust, fairness, and a willingness to compromise. If mistakes are made, there is honesty and accountability. Both partners actively work to repair the connection. 

To explore a helpful visual of what these safe and healthy dynamics look like, you can view the Equality Wheel.

Family violence looks and feels fundamentally different. The core of this dynamic is not a simple disagreement. It is about power and control for one person, and fear for the other.

When family violence is present, one partner uses a range of tactics to maintain dominance and ensure they feel powerful over the other. They will refuse to take accountability for their actions, constantly shifting the blame instead. This behavior can include intimidation, emotional abuse, guilt tripping, financial control, and using children as a tactic to manipulate, control, or punish. The focus is never on repair; it is on maintaining power. 

You can see these specific tactics clearly outlined in the Power and Control Wheel.

We hear about family violence on the news and see it in the media. We might even know someone else who has gone through it. Because it is something we usually view from the outside, it can be deeply confronting to consider that it might be happening in our own lives.

If reading this brings up concerns, or if you recognize these patterns of fear and control in your own relationship, please know that you do not have to figure this out alone.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call 000. If you are experiencing family violence or feeling unsafe in your relationship, you can reach out to 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for free, 24/7 support.